Attachment Parenting in the NICU

Welcome to the March Carnival of Natural Parenting: Natural Parenting Top 10 Lists
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared Top 10 lists on a wide variety of aspects of attachment parenting and natural living. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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There are many reasons that infants end up in the NICU. Some situations are preventable through proper nutrition and weight gain for the mother. Avoiding harmful practices such as drugs, drinking and smoking during pregnancy are key factors in avoiding complications for an infant at birth. Having a trustworthy birthing team that avoids unnecessary interventions is also important. Other situations are completely unavoidable. It is estimated that 10-15% of all newborns end up in the NICU. Caring for your infant in the NICU can be overwhelming. It is still possible to practice attachment parenting with your newborn in the NICU.
My sweet Bella spent the first two months of her life in the NICU. I thought I’d share with you some of the ways that we were still able to use some attachment parenting ideas and apply them to the NICU. Of course every situation is different. Some infants may only be in the NICU for a few hours, or a few days, others are in for a longer period of time. Here is some tested advice from our experiences in parenting in the NICU.

10: Be your child’s advocate. Clearly you won’t be able to be with your newborn at all times during their stay in the NICU. While this is heartbreaking you can still make the best of it and make your wishes known to the NICU staff. Immediately request that no artificial nipples be given to your baby and post signs stating that your baby is being breastfed and is to receive no supplemental feedings. Make the signs large, colorful and also have them put notes on all the nurses notes and folders. If you have a little boy you may also want to place signs saying he is to stay intact and not to be removed for circumcision.
9: Make use of the staff available. You should request a meeting with a lactation consultant as soon as possible.They can make your life a lot easier in the hospital as a nursing mother. Become familiar with the nursing rooms and supplies and ask for support. The lactation consultants in most hospitals can also give you free meal tickets for use in the cafeteria. This helps nursing mothers stay adequately nourished and hydrated during their long stays visiting their newborns. Do not hesitate to ask your nurses and doctors a lot of questions. I know during our stay there were certain doctors that intimidating, even to the other nurses. Don’t let this hold you back, it’s your child! Keep a notebook with you and write down your questions and concerns so when the doctors do their rounds you are prepared and get the correct answers.
8: Get to know the head nurse that makes the schedules. We had three nurses that cared so well for our sweet Bella, we are forever grateful to them. We felt more relaxed when we knew they were on duty. We quickly learned after meeting with the head nurse that made the schedules that we could request them on a daily basis. It was such a relief to us. Don’t be afraid to ask for certain nurses not be on rotation with your infant. Most of the NICU nurses were wonderful, three in particular were out of this world, and a small hand full of nurses were not welcome to take care of my sweet baby. There were a few instances that came up during our stay that made me feel uncomfortable and not happy about the care our daughter was receiving at the hands of a nurse or two. I don’t like being confrontational, but this was my daughter. Again I spoke with the head nurse and had these few nurses removed from her care. Your life is much easier when you are comfortable with those taking care of your baby when you aren’t there.
7: Practice Kangaroo care and baby wearing. Initially, we weren’t able to hold our baby. She had extreme hydrocephalus and was shunted the very next day. She had a long recovery. We held her tiny hand until the time we were able to actually hold her in our arms. We brought up kangaroo care, surprisingly this was something they were only slightly familiar with. This became evident when they dug out the dusty privacy screen from storage. It was clearly not used on a daily basis. I can’t explain how uplifting it was for me to hold my daughter for the first time skin to skin, let alone the benefits to her. Sometimes you can bring your sling or wrap in and cuddle up with your wee one even while they are attached to tubes and machines.

6: Pump, Pump, Pump. (and pump some more) within first 12 hours, then every 3-4 hours afterward. The breast pump was my very best friend because it allowed my sweet baby to receive the best nutrition possible. It was also my mortal enemy because pumping sucks. However, I stuck with it for the entire 16 months of her life. Using a hospital grade pump is essential to keep your milk supply up.
5: Use a pacifier. WHAT?! Yes, a pacifier does have a place. I am not normally an advocate for the use of a pacifier. However if you are separated from your baby they need an outlet for their sucking reflex. Ideally, you would meet all your infant’s sucking needs for comfort and soothing through breastfeeding. When this is not a possibility, a pacifier can help soothe and relax the newborn. Often premature babies can use a pacifier to stimulate their sucking reflex even while they are being tube fed. In our situation, the pacifier was a lifesaver for Bella. I didn’t use them with my other two children. Bella was tube fed during her whole life, so it met the need of her sucking reflex and soothed her.
4: Use wool filled doll to assist mother-baby bonding. Wool will naturally absorb mothers scent and when the doll is left with the infant it slowly releases the mothers’ scent to the comfort of the baby. The mom can tuck the wool doll, like Zmooz or Cozy, into her bra and sleep with it a few nights, then it’s ready to snuggle with the baby afterward.

3: Arrange schedules Naturally you’ll want to spend as much time as possible with your new arrival. Planning the most effective way to use your time is essential. No doubt you’ll have other responsibilities to deal with outside of the NICU, like your other children! This can make it very difficult to juggle your time effectively. I was able to be in the hospital for 3 days with my sweet girl, then I had to travel from home. At that point, I made arrangements for me to be at the hospital throughout the day while my oldest was with her Grandma. I came home in the evening and we enjoyed dinner together as a family. We spent a few hours in the evening as a family with big sister. After she was in bed my husband went to the NICU for the night shift, until early morning. This way we were able to spend some quality time as a family, and keeping some sense of routine for my Big Z. It also allowed each of us some time alone at the hospital with Bella and we were able to get some rest at home. It isn’t ideal, but it’s only a temporary circumstance.
2: Hold your infant as much as possible. This really relates to #7 with wearing your baby and kangaroo care. One lesson I learned from our stays in the hospital is that it never hurts to ask about holding your baby. They may be hooked to machines and in incubators, but if we keep asking eventually they’ll make arrangements for it to happen. Holding your newborn does wonders for you as a new mom, and for your bonding with your new infant. If one nurse says “no”, it’s not possible, ask the next nurse, and the next until you find the nurse that will work with you to find a safe way to hold your baby.
1: Love Yourself. You may not have been prepared for your baby to be in the NICU. Regardless of when you learned of your baby being in the NICU, it’s essential to take care of yourself during this time. Perhaps you are recovering from a Cesarean during this time. This is a major surgery with a painful recovery. You will need time to recuperate. You may feel guilt, shame, and major disappointment. You may also be overtaken by grief at the loss of your ideal birth. You may feel helpless for not “protecting” your new baby. All of these feelings are normal. You’ll be exhausted, hormonal and overwhelmed. It is essential to take care of yourself so you can take care of your baby. Get your rest, eat a diet full in fresh fruit and vegetables, drink a lot of water and find a support system. Let your family and friends help with siblings, meals, laundry, cleaning. You want your baby to be raised in an environment filled with love and respect, so start with yourself.

We have made a short video of our journey with our daughter Bella. It has recently been entered in the Neuro Film Festival sponsored by the American Academy of Neurology. We would appreciate you watching Bella’s journey and voting for her video. Please watch “Remembering Bella”. Voting ends March 8th at midnight.

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon March 8 with all the carnival links.)

• Attachment Parenting in the NICU — Erica at ChildOrganics shares some strategies to help you parent naturally in some unnatural circumstances.
• 10 Reasons to Choose Baby Led Weaning — Luschka from Diary of a First Child shares ten reasons to choose Baby Led Weaning when it comes to solids.
• Choosing to Breastfeed — From selfishness to self-giving, CatholicMommy at Working to be Worthy lists reasons why breast is best for her and her family.
• Ten Things I Wish I Knew About Before Little Man — In this reflective post, The ArstyMama discusses ten things she wishes she knew more about before the birth of her son, Little Man.
• 10 Things That Helped Me Become a Natural Mama — The Accidental Natural Mama counts down ten things that helped her find her moderately crunchy inner mama self.
• Top 10 Reasons to Breastfeed Your Toddler — Extended breast-feeder Kate Wicker of Momopoly makes her own top 10 list for why she loves nursing her 2-year-old.
• Top 10 Tips on Authentic Grandparenting — Mamapoekie of Authentic Parenting offers a list of tips to make the grandparent-parent-child relationship flow smoothly.
• Top Ten “Dad” Things — Liam at In The Now talks about his favourite ways to spend time with his children.
• Top 10 Natural Strategies for Conception (aka How to Get Pregnant!) — Despite facing plenty of health issues, Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama found her way to two first-try pregnancies thanks to these natural strategies.
• Top Ten Reasons Why Home Birth Rocks — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud shares her passion for birthing at home – the natural place for natural birth.
• Top 10 reasons why cloth nappies are fun — Tat at Cloth Nappies Are Fun shows how using cloth nappies can brighten up your day.
• Top Ten Ways to Be Present With Family — Amy at Innate Wholeness shares how to make the most of parenting and family life through being present.
• Top 10 Things In My Arsenal of Kitchen Witchy Mama Tricks. — Joni Rae at Tales of A Kitchen Witch shares with us the simple things she would never want to be missing from her cupboards.
• Top 10 ways I’m not very good at natural parenting (and why I keep trying anyway) — Jenny at Babyfingers shares the ways she is imperfect as a natural parent, and why she embraces natural parenting anyway.
• Top 10 Ways to Know You Are a Natural Parent
  So what makes us “natural parents,” anyway? A lighthearted look at the Top 10 Ways to Know You Are a Natural Parent by the editors and readers of Natural Parents Network.
• The Top 10 Things Every Natural Household (with children) Should Have — Amanda at Let’s Take the Metro shares a list of the most common natural products and remedies she uses for health and cleaning.
• Top 10 books for raising loving, spiritual children — In her ‘food for the soul’ post, Mrs Green from Little Green Blog shares her favourite spiritual books. No matter what religion you practise, there’s something for everyone!
• Top 10 Things No One Told Me About Natural Parenting — Adrienne at Mommying My Way explains that the best things about natural parenting are things she never expected.
• Top 10 Flower Essences for Families — Kim of Nature Baby Bloggings lists her pick of the top ten flower essence which can help ease families through the ups and downs of life.
• My Top Ten Parenting Tools — Amyables at Toddler In Tow names the top ten tools that have been helpful to her while learning to parent respectfully and successfully.
• Ten Ways Families Can Enjoy Nature (for free!) — Spring is nearly in the air, and Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction is dreaming of the fun and frugal ways that her family is going to get out and enjoy nature this summer.
• 10 Reasons We Unschool — Patti at Jazzy Mama explains why unschooling is the right choice for her family.
• Must Read: Natural Parenting Top Ten — Amy at Anktangle wants you to do a little reading! She shares her top ten favorite books to help parents prepare for pregnancy, birth, and parenting.
• Top 10 Breastfeeding Misconceptions — Sheila at A Gift Universe examines ten reasons women give for why they didn’t breastfeed as long as they wanted, and shows how these obstacles can be overcome.
• Ten Reasons to Plan a Home Birth — Since a home birth can be an incredibly empowering experience, Leslie at Lights and Letters outlines ten reasons why you should plan to have your baby at home.
• Top Ten Books for Birth, Breastfeeding and Parenting — Megan at Just Me(gan) writes about the ten books that have helped her the most in her natural parenting journey.
• A Top Ten Letter To Me… — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment writes herself a letter of reflections and bits of wisdom she would have liked to know as a new mama.
• Top Ten Mama Necessities Money Can’t Buy — Buying baby gear is fun, but Emily at Crunchy(ish) Mama knows real parenting must-haves can’t be bought in stores (or even on Amazon).
• Top 10 Books for a Natural Mum — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine talks about her Top 10 Books for a Natural Mum.
• Ten Great Spring Activities To Do With Preschoolers — Kellie at Our Mindful Life and her family have come up with a great list of activities to do together this spring.
• 10 Ways to Reuse Yogurt Containers — Acacia at Fingerpaint & Superheroes keeps the stacks of yogurt containers out of her recycling bin by reusing them in both practical and creative ways.
• Top Ten Ways To Have a Harmonious Home — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares her natural parenting-inspired methods for maintaining a harmonious daily life with her toddler.
• 10 Natural Baby Items I Love — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares product ideas to support your natural parenting.
• The Pandas’ Top Five Crunch-osophies — Top five crunchy philosophies, as employed at the Panda Residence by Ana at Pandamoly.
• Top 10 Reasons to Leave Your Son Intact — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children has shared 10 reasons why you should leave your newborn son intact.
• Ten things everyone should know about unassisted homebirth — Olivia at Write About Birth shares practical tips for women considering an unassisted homebirth and debunks some common myths
• 10 Most Popular Ways To Treat Cloth Diaper Stains — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey gives ten easy tips to make your diapers like new.
• 10 Lessons in 1 Year — Abbie at Farmer’s Daughter shares 10 parenting lessons that she has learned throughout her first year of motherhood.
• Top 10 Ways to Get Breastfeeding Off To a Good Start — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes shares 10 effective ways to ensure breastfeeding gets off to a good start.
• Top 10 Ways to Avoid a Time-Out — If you are uncomfortable using time-outs in an attempt to control your child’s behavior, try one of these gentler alternatives. Dio
  nna at Code Name: Mama shares her Top 10 Ways to Avoid a Time-Out.
• My Top 10 Parenting Scriptures — Dulce de leche is learning to integrate faith and parenting. Whether it is breastfeeding, babywearing, comforting her children, or gentle discipline, she finds that the Bible has beautiful passages to encourage her on her journey.
• Natural Cleaning Ideas – Top 10 — Laura at Laura’s Blog lists the ways she keeps her house clean and clear of chemicals.
• My Top Ten (plus two) Life Altering and Growth Inspiring Books — A top ten list of books from MJ at Wander Wonder Discover that changed her life as an individual, a parent, and an earth dweller.
• Top 10 Ways to Use Natural Parenting for Children with Special Needs — Danielle at Mommy Makes Cents feeds the needs of her family and special needs child through the use of Natural Parenting.
• Ten Fundamentals — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante gets philosophical with a list of the fundamentals that drive her natural parenting.
• 10 reasons why I chose breast over bottles — Becky at Old New Legacy writes a quick list of why she chose breast over bottles.
• Top Ten Natural Tools for the Work of Play — Lori at Beneath the Rowan Tree offers insight into 10 natural toys that will span the early years (and save you money).
• 10 differences between pregnancy and parenting in Japan and the US — Megan at Ichigo Means Strawberry gives her impressions about differences in pregnancy and parenting in Japan and the US.
• Natural Parenting Benny & Bex Style — Pecky at Benny and Bex explains why Natural Parenting principles work best for her boys.
• Top 10 Reasons to Co-Sleep — 10 practical, emotional, and completely selfish reasons to co-sleep and share a family bed from Lily, aka Witch Mom.
• My Top Ten New Mommy Moments — Melissa at The New Mommy Files recounts the ten most memorable moments of her daughter’s first year.
• Top Ten Things Every Breastfeeding Mother Needs to Know — Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood believes knowledge is power and wants all moms to be well informed.
• Top 10 Nursing Positions / Situations — Momma Jorje uses her 5½ years of nursing experience to share her Top 10 Nursing Positions/Situations. She includes some adorable photos of her youngest daughter at the breast.
• Ten Top Ways to Connect Kids with Nature — Terri from Child at the Nature Isle offers 10 ways to immerse ourselves in the natural world and develop a love affair with the Earth.
• Top 10 Slacker Ways to Natural Parent — Guavalicious is happy to show you how to parent naturally the slacker way.
• Simply what it looks like — Andrea!!! from Ella-Bean & Co. offers a glimpse into natural parenting through the eyes of mama and babe.
• Top Ten Reasons Why Natural Parenting Dads Are So Attractive — Nada at miniMOMist sure digs her husband, but it’s not just his good looks — it’s his parenting!
• 10 Family Systems and Routines That Work for Us — See what routines, organizational systems, and parenting approaches work for Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings to help avoid conflict and maintain sanity in a family with three young children.
• Top 10 reasons to choose midwifery care — Lauren at Hobo Mama lists the features that drew her to midwives’ care for pregnancy and birth.
• 10 Ways to Cloth Diaper on a Budget — Michelle at The Parent Vortex shares her best thrifty cloth diapering tips.
• Ten Reasons it Felt Sew Good To Make My Own Play Food — Brittany at Mama’s Felt Cafe lists her 10 (OK, 11) favorite reasons to grab a needle and start sewing your own felt play toys.
• Top10 Ways to Spark Interest, Learn, and Have Fun With Everyday Tasks! — Bethy at Bounce Me to the Moon gives you her top 10 ways of incorporating fun and lessons into everyday tasks and chores.
• Postpartum Gift Ideas — Alicia at I Found My Feet suggests a top 10 list of gifts for mother’s after giving birth.
• My Top Ten Shows Worthy Of Screen Time — Tree at Mom Grooves shares her top ten list of shows that she believes are positive, educational, kind, joyful, and a nice way to share some downtime with your children.
• The Top 10 Ways to Succeed as an Working Attachment Parent — That Mama Gretchen shares tried and true ways to succeed with attachment parenting even when working away from home during the day.
• Top Ten Books for Natural Parenting — Pregnancy, herbs, cooking, and healthcare the ten books Asha at Meta Mom the most.
• Preparing for a Hospital VBAC: My Top 10 — Thomasin at Propson Palingenesis shares 10 ways she’s preparing for her upcoming hospital VBAC.
• Top Ten New Mom Survival Tools — Wolfmother shares her most beloved motherhood survival tools at Fabulous Mama Chronicles.
• Top 10 Montessori Principles for Natural Learning — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now gives her top 10 list of Montessori principles parents can use to encourage their children s natural learning.
• Going Granola — Tashmica from The Mother Flippin’ Blog describes the 10 ways that natural parenting sneaked up on her. She never expected to go all granola on the world.
• Step Away From the Amazon List — Stefanie at Very, Very Fine wishes she hadn’t bought so much useless stuff.