Looking Forward, Looking Back

Welcome to the first edition of the Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival, hosted by Authentic Parenting and Mudpiemama!
In the month of January, we start afresh, a new year, new ideas. Hence, our participants have looked into the topic of “Birth and New Beginnings”. Take a look at the end of this post to find a list of links to the entries of the other participants.

Looking back
How do you move forward after facing the loss of a child? This is a question I’ve wrestled with over the last few years. Whether it’s loss through a miscarriage or infant loss it can paralyze your life.  It’s an experience that makes you stronger than you ever thought you could be- or wanted to be.

January is a tough month for me. This month Bella would have turned 6.This is also the month my youngest turns 3. It’s a month filled with mixed feelings, emotional ups and downs.
Our family still experiences grief though she has been gone for over 4 years. We miss our Bella a great deal. We are able to talk about her with joy in our hearts. We talk about our memories of her and we can laugh as we remember. This is a welcome change.
Deciding to have another child after a loss can be very difficult. We had decided not to have any more children after Bella due to our chances of 1 in 4 of any of our future children having Walker-Warburg Syndrome. We strongly felt  we didn’t want to go through all of the pain again. Well, you know what they say about the best-laid plans…
Surprises happen. One year after Bella’s death (almost to the very day), we found out we were expecting another child, our hearts filled with joy, dread and lots of lots of questions. We had feelings of grief and hope all swirling around inside. Big Z was elated at the idea of being a big sister again.  We had a very anxious pregnancy until our 20-week ultrasound when we were given the wonderful news of our baby boy being healthy and strong. This pregnancy and birth was a time of reflection, hopefulness and healing.
People have made thoughtless comments in regards to a new baby taking away our grief. It doesn’t work that way, he doesn’t replace Bella. We still mourn our Bella and grieve for her, a part of my heart will remain empty and broken until I’m with her again. However, having another baby has been the most lovely distraction from my grief you can ever imagine.

Looking forward

We move forward with our new life as a family without Bella.  Having another child after our loss has given me a deeper appreciation of my children and our life together. We make room for sadness and for joy.

Visit Authentic Parenting and MudpieMama to find out how you can participate in the next Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:


7 thoughts on “Looking Forward, Looking Back”

  1. It’s such a strange thing when joy and grief mingle – I can only imagine how much so in this situation. I hope you get plenty of extra love and support this month, and enjoy a beautiful celebration.


  2. Oh gosh! Now this one got the tears a flowin’! You are so strong mama! Seriously, I cannot even phathom how this would feel and to see you embrace the path that you were given is just so inspiring. So much love to you. You are an amazing woman!


  3. Ok, I just immediately started crying. You are such a strong mama, as Jennifer said. I’m so sorry for your loss of sweet Bella and glad to hear your perspective at this time in your lives. I’m glad your family is holding her memory so brightly and that you were able to add to your family without subtracting any love for her. That’s really beautiful.


  4. This is a beautiful post, thank you so much for sharing. The strength you must have is awesome. I’m going to read more about Bella now ~ thank you again for sharing your memories of her.


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