I Quietly Put My Hopes To Rest

Welcome to the June 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Embracing Your Birth Experience
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about at least one part of their birth experience that they can hold up and cherish.
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Getting ready for the Cesarean

I had previously written about my birth experience with  my special needs daughter, Bella. I recently went back and read the post and  I was surprised to find it so clinical and dry. I explained the step by step procedures of what happened that day, but I left out a very important part of the whole process; my emotions. Let me assure you there were plenty, one on top of the other, all swirled together and shaken.

 I had a wonderful drug-free, natural  hospital birth with my first daughter. I was planning a birth at our local birth center for our second child, Bella. All was well until we had our one 20 week ultrasound. Our life changed forever that day. We were in shock when given the news that our baby girl was missing part of her cerebellum, and she had severe hydrocephalus.  We later learned her full diagnosis would be Walker-Warburg Syndrome. Needless to say, we were now thrown into the whirlwind of a high-risk pregnancy and birth. “Goodbye, birth center!” and “Hello, Cesarean!”
I really was in denial for quite some time. I held on to the slim hope that a vaginal birth would be possible. I would ask at each appointment about the possibility.  It was clear as we approached our due date that I had to accept and make peace with a Cesarean birth. Bella was born with a head with the approximate size of a 3-6 month size baby. This was one of those situations where a Cesarean would save both of our lives. I had to accept it and move on.
I suppose because of all of the traumatic experiences we were going through due to Bella’s circumstances I came  to view the Cesarean as more of a blessing. I gave myself time to quietly put to rest my hopes and ideas of  what we thought life would be like with our second child. This included tucking away my birthing center birth and embracing the idea that interventions were what was going to allow us to have Bella in our life.
By the time the day arrived for Bella to be born, I had mourned my normal, healthy birth and had moved to acceptance. We had dozens of doctors and students watching and standing by.  It was not personal, intimate or beautiful. There was tension in the room that was broken by small quips of humor from our side and that of the  hospital staff. It was intense, surreal and public.  However, the end result was a beautiful, life changing little girl that would be in our life for such a short time yet have an enormous impact.  THAT we were willing to embrace.

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Carnival of Natural Parenting -- Hobo Mama and Code Name: MamaVisit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon June 12 with all the carnival links.)

  • I was Foolish Then — ANonyMous at Radical Ramblings describes how foolish lack of preparation for childbirth led to a feeling of powerlessness and fear, but that in the end she had her baby in her arms, and that’s one thing she can celebrate.
  • Sometimes no plan is the best plan — Tat at Mum in search contemplates that maybe she doesn’t need a birth plan for her upcoming birth.
  • Disturbing the peace — Kenna at Million Tiny Things thought she would be a calm, quiet baby-haver. Ha!
  • Accepting the Unexpected During Birth — Emily at S.A.H.M i AM imagined herself laboring on a birthing ball but she never imagined where she’d really be most comfortable when the time came…
  • Sacred This Time, Too — Kimber at The Single Crunch learned enough to know that the way she birthed wasn’t they way she wanted to; but she also knew to enjoy it for what it was.
  • The Birth Partner: A Great Natural Labor Companion — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger thinks that the secret to her pleasant natural labors was having a great support system.
  • the Best Thing About My Labor ExperienceCrunchy Con Mommy realizes that amidst all the things that seemed to go wrong with her labor, the love and support of her husband was the one thing she could always count on!
  • Your Birth Was My FavoriteDulce de leche describes some of the highlights from each of her four births and explains why despite the differences, they are all her favorites.
  • Birth Story: Part One – Moon on a Stick! Gentle Mama Moon tells the first part of her birth story to share some of the delight of labouring at home.
  • Embracing My Birth Experience by Sharing My Birth Story — Dionna at Code Name: Mama made peace with her first birth by sharing the story with her son.
  • Focusing on the Beauty of Birth — Julia at A Little Bit of All of It shares the beautiful aspects of her birth center water birth.
  • A Joyful Induced Delivery — Amy Willa: Me, M
    othering, and Making it All Work
    notes the meditations and perspective that helped her achieve an unmedicated birth despite being induced for medical reasons.
  • Finding Joy in an Imperfect Childbirth Experience — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells what she learned from her two very different childbirth experiences.
  • What’s to like about a c-section? — Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama is glad she her second child at home, but she also cherishes much about the c-section she had four years earlier.
  • What Story Will I Tell? — Rachael at The Variegated Life realizes that the way she tells the story of her second child’s birth matters — and could be exhilarating.
  • I Quietly Put My Hopes to Rest E — Erica at ChildOrganics shares her emotional ups and downs with the highly intervened birth of her special needs daughter, Bella.
  • Tale of Six Births — Jessica at Instead of Institutions appreciates that unique challenges and joys of each of her births.
  • Labouring naturally: nature’s gift — Caroline at stoneageparent describes the most beautiful, spiritual aspect of the labour of her son, the first stages along a bumpy road to giving birth.
  • All The Woman I Am. — Lindsay at This Woman’s Work shares a poem about letting go and surrendering during the thralls of labor.
  • A twin birth story: embracing the unexpected — Megan at The Boho Mama shares her twin birth experience and how she found the silver lining when faced with preterm labor, premature birth, and a two-week NICU stay.
  • Giving Birth With Eminem — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares how fiery rap music contributed to an empowered homebirth with her third baby.
  • Two Different Births — Cassie at There’s a Pickle in My Life shares how she learned from her first birth experience and how to trust yourself and your body.
  • Embracing Our Potential: Birth as a Metaphor — Sheila from A Living Family guest posts at Natural Parents Network and expresses how birth has served as a metaphor to help her through other experiences in life.
  • Little Sister’s Birth Story: Our VBAC Adventure — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama describes the recent birth story of her baby girl, her pride in an epidural-free VBAC, and how her story isn’t exactly the birth experience she had planned for.
  • A Journey in Birth Confidence — Shannon at The Artful Mama shares her experiences with labor during both of her sons’ births.
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10 thoughts on “I Quietly Put My Hopes To Rest”

  1. We had just started our Bradley series when we found out that we were going to loose our second child. I too had all of these dreams about peaceful, natural births that went right out the window with our diagnosis. You really gave voice to my experience of using the changes in birth expectations to come to terms with all of the other changes, challenges, and loses that followed – thank you.

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  2. I wanted a home water birth for many years. It got to where reading about other people having my dream birth made me jealous. I was kind of ugly about it inside.I finally found peace with it this year, thanks to one more friend’s birth. I love my friends, but she and I met (online) and became close during her pregnancy and chatted a lot leading up to it. For the first time in a long time, I was legitimately happy for HER when she had her / my dream birth.We just have so much tied up in it, ya know? Thank you or sharing!

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