Welcome to the December 2013 Carnival of Natural Parenting: The More Things Change . . .
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared stories and wisdom about life changes.
It’s been a little over a year since the death of my husband. I look back and at times it feels like it was yesterday he was here with us, wrestling the children, wrapping his arms around me in a big hug after work. Then, on the other hand, this seems like the longest year in history. Each morning being harder to start without him, I have to give myself a pep talk before swinging my feet out of the bed. After Bella died, people would comment on how strong I was. I didn’t have much of a choice to tell you the truth. It’s the same with Ian’s death, I’m stronger than I never wanted to be. I have two children that need my constant attention and care, so it’s quite necessary to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I’m so thankful for them in my life. Though I feel they are not getting 100% of their mom, I’m doing my best. At times, my best might not seem like much, but it’s all I’ve got. My kids see me cry and we talk about their sister and their dad a lot, I don’t want those memories lost. A few things I’ve learned about myself over this last year. I really LOVED being married, being a wife. I’m afraid I took it for granted for the 15 years we were together. I had a really incredible husband, and I’m not sure I always expressed to him how amazing he was as a husband and father. Often if I complained about something in my life, he would say how much we had to be grateful for. He really kept me balanced and appreciative. I try to remember that and often hear his voice telling me to be grateful and happy for having my two healthy children with me. I hate the word widow. Widow conjures up images of bent over ladies in tiny villages wearing scarves around their heads and wearing black every day. I remember in Portugal asking why all of the little old ladies would be dressed in black. I learned after their husband dies, many of them stay in mourning for the rest of their lives and show this by wearing black every day. That’s not me. I don’t consider myself a little old lady in any respect, I just need a different word, just not widow. I do not take pride in being a single mom. In fact, I hate it. I do not like being the only parent. It is so INCREDIBLY HARD! No offense to all of the hard-working single moms out there that are rocking it. That’s just not me. I loved having the support of my husband for homeschooling, for everyday decisions and for talking to at the end of a rough day. I have not found my single-mom groove yet. Though I like the double-parent title better, I still don’t take pride in the fact that I’m doing it alone. I feel like I was a much better mom when I had a supportive husband around. My whole support system is gone so I feel like I’m dangling off the ledge at this single parent gig. I am living in chaos most of the time. You would think a year would be ample time to have got things organized after the death of your husband.Oh no, this is not correct. I am shocked at how disorganized and chaotic things still are in our lives. The tedious amounts of paperwork and the overwhelming amount of things that I’ve had to ignore just to focus on my priorities is ridiculous! Because of losing our daughter several years ago, I thought I was on top of things as far as paperwork goes. No, no,no. I beg each of you that is reading this to take the time to talk with your spouse and make some lists and get things organized now before it is too late. I recommend the site. She has simple checklists and forms that will be sanity savers when/if something traumatic happens to your family. And for goodness sake, please have a place where you can find passwords for important accounts, etc in case one of you dies. I now have it a priority to get myself organized for my children’s sake. On a positive note, this year the kids and I have had a lot of quality time together. We’ve taken adventures together camping, visiting family and friends, and going to conventions. It’s made us pretty tight knit. So even if I am having a bad day and I lose it, I am able to talk to the kids about it and tell them what I’m feeling and apologize. I have learned to do things I never thought I would need to do, like start campfires and clean fish tanks ( I still call my brother to help with the mouse traps 😉 ). Little by little I see us making progress as a family, moving on to our new life ahead of us.I do feel excited about our new adventures that lie ahead so that makes me happy. I hope to be able to move on with a positive attitude though that may not be my first inclination. Sharing with my children that despite all of the awful things that has happened in our life, we can still choose to be happy. We have hope, and it’s a true blessing. I hope to introduce them to new adventures and continue to travel with them to new and exciting places. This year we hope to get their passports in order and be able to travel out of the country. I am excited about our new learning possibilities and all that is out there waiting for us… as long as I can keep swinging my feet out of the bed.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be updated by afternoon December 10 with all the carnival links.)
- Mature Student — Amber Strocel is embarking on a new adventure in 2014, by returning to a space in her life she thought she’d left behind – that of being a university student.
- And then there were four — Jillian at Mommyhood learned how quickly love can grow when welcoming a second child to the family.
- Handling Change As A Mother (And Why That Takes Things To A Different Level) — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares how she helps her young daughter navigate change and why it is so important, as a mother, to gauge her own reactions to change.
- Without Dad-One Year Later — Erica a
t ChildOrganics shares how her life has changed one year after losing her husband suddenly.
- Family Ties — Lori at TEACH through Love realized that her most significant, most painful wound paved the way for her to share her greatest gift.
- Rootless — After Dionna @ Code Name: Mama‘s parents packed up their home and moved to Florida this fall, she is feeling rootless and restless.
- A Letter to My Mama Self in the Swirl of Change — Sheila Pai of A Living Family shares a letter she wrote to herself to capture and remember the incredible changes from the year, and invites you to do the same and share!
- Junctions — sustainablemum explains how her family has dealt with a complete change of direction this year.
- Planning, Parenting, and Perfection — Becca at The Earthling’s Handbook explains how most of the plans she made for her adult life have worked out differently than she planned, but she’s ended up getting a lot of what she really wanted.
- Why First Grade Means Growing Up… for Both Me and My Daughter — Donna at Eco-Mothering discovers that her daughter’s transition into first grade is harder as a parent.
- First Year of Mothering — Mercedes at Project Procrastinot reflects on the quiet change that took her by surprise this year.
- Building the Community YOu Desire — A recent move has Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children working toward setting up a new support network.
- Slowing down in 2013 — A car fire and a surprise diagnosis of Down syndrome made 2013 a very different year than the one Crunchy Con Mommy and family were expecting!
- The Seven Year Cycle — After 7 intense years of baking, birthing and breastfeeding 6 kids, Zoie at TouchstoneZ wonders, “Will I be enough for what comes next?”
- Rebirth — Kellie of Our Mindful Life has found that each of her births leaves her a different person.
- When a Hobby Becomes a Business — This year, new doors opened for That Mama Gretchen‘s hobby of writing and blogging – it has turned into a side business. She’s sharing a bit about her journey and some helpful tips in case you’re interested in following the same path.
- 5 Tips for Embracing a Big Change in Your Family — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells about a big change in her family and shares tips that have always helped her family embrace changes.
- Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes — Ana at Panda & Ananaso ruminates on how having a child changed her priorities.
- Homeostasis — Lauren at Hobo Mama is finding that even as elements shift in her life — in cosleeping, homeschooling, breastfeeding, & more — they mostly remain very familiar.
- Sally go round the sun — A new baby brings joy and unexpected sadness for Douglas at Friendly Encounters, as she is diagnosed with a rare genetic condition.
- Embrace it — Laura from Pug in the Kitchen muses about the changes in her family this year and how she can embrace them . . . as best she can anyway.
- Big Change; Seamless but Big — Jorje of Momma Jorje shares how one of the biggest changes of her life was also a seamless transition.
- Celebrating Change — Change feeds Jaye Anne at Wide Awake, Half Asleep‘s soul. And all the work that seemed like monotonous nothingness finally pays off in a clear way.